vladibo666 (vladibo666) wrote,

Andy Rooney on Sex..the best definitions ever!

This guy had a fantastic outlook on life…..should be more like him !!!!
The late Andy Rooney     Too bad he’s not around anymore…..        These are great.

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... 
I don't remember which I chose. 

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..." 

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. 

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly. 

8. Virginity can be cured. 

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity. 

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have
a good partner, you better have a good hand. 

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small. 

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing. 

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't. 

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes. 

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
Tags: humor, usa
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